![]() Children become distressed when their parents threaten to leave them, particularly when the threat is associated with a child’s challenging behaviour.Here’s a snapshot of what researchers have discovered about children who experience love withdrawal via the experience of time-out (forcible isolation/solitary confinement), courtesy of Alfie Kohn’s book, Unconditional Parenting: And parents spend even more time and effort trying to keep them in their naughty spot to enforce the time out! But most parents tell me they can never get it to “work”. Most parents have used, or tried to use, time-out with their kids with varying levels of success. Why Time-Out Belongs in the Naughty Corner In real terms, time out involves a person of higher power using that power to hand down a sentence of solitary confinement to an essentially powerless child. This forcible isolation is really a form of love withdrawal that tells a child that she isn’t acceptable to her parents when she behaves a certain way. In spite of the best intentions of the creator of the chair in the illustration above, time out teaches a child she is not worthy of parental love.Emotions also need to be regulated! Forced time-out is not an effective way to help a child regulate his or her emotion. But kid’s emotions are real and need to be respected – even the ones that are inconvenient. Time-out teaches kids that their emotions and behaviours aren’t acceptable. And it’s true that sometimes behaviour may not be acceptable.This drives a wedge into the parent/child relationship at the worst possible time – right when they need you most. Very young children may fear parents will leave them. Kids become frightened that their parent will not love them if they behave in a way that is ‘bad’. Time-out teaches children that a parent’s love is conditional.But does it really teach? And if so, what does it teach? Psychologists and parenting experts almost universally claim that time-out is the most effective way to teach our kids. Some of the most popular parenting programs in Australia (and the world) are based on time-out. ![]() After that period of time, the child will supposedly be remorseful and will also have learned his or her lesson. It works like this: a child does something that is ‘against the rules’ so the child’s parents punish the child by telling him/her to sit somewhere free of distractions for a set amount of time to “think” about what was wrong with the behaviour. Time-out is one of the most popular “discipline” methods parents use.
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